I have signed up to attend a gym class designed especially for people with chronic back pain. Considering I haven't been inside a gym in about 10 years this is a big step for me and the following is part of a conversation I had with my eldest (grown-up and now raising a family of her own) daughter about it.
Daughter: Well, you're going to need new trainers.
Me: What's wrong with my trainers? There's nothing wrong with my trainers – they've got years of wear in them.
They're rubbish trainers. Old fashioned....
They're not old fashioned - they're retro. I mean, it's not like they're Green Flash or anything.
Like proper ones.....nice ones... not old granny ones....
Later in the discount sports shop – footwear dept (Ladies) ~ OK, it was Sports Direct...
Me (on mobile phone): Well, which ones are best? There's a whole wall plastered with the things...
Daughter (on other end of phone-line): It depends on how much you want to spend.
About twenty quid.
Are you serious?
Twenty-five then, it's not like I'm going to wear them much. What about these..
Me: OK, well they have these...
Too flat. You don't want flat – no support.
I'm getting a headache. What about these?
Boxers wear those, you'll look like a boxer...
Right, then I'll look like Hilary Swank …. or Frank Bruno.....either way, they fit – they'll do...
Now you're just being facetious - she died anyway.
Hilary Swank is dead?
No, in the film she died, are you buying these trainers or what?
My turn to sigh over-dramatically Well these ones then. These are OK.
No-one wears them any-more. Get NICE ones..
What does it matter? They all look the same to me.
That's not the point.
I mean it's not like you're going to be humiliated by me wearing them or anything - you live 90 miles away, you won't even see them.
It's the principle of the thing. Have they got any ****'s
Yes....(gets them down from the wall display).....How much?....You've got to be joking. I'm not paying that. I've had enough. I'm just getting these ones... I'll speak to you later.....
Me: Excuse me, do you have these in a size 6?
Shop Assistant: Sorry?
These...do you have them in a size 6?
In a 6?
In a 6 - in black.
Oh I'm sorry - everything we have is out on display.......