Monday, 24 January 2011

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS - MAKE A MERINGUE: Step One: First, take your Lemons...

Step One: First, take your Lemons...

Nine months ago I hurt my back.  The funny thing is, I don't remember doing it; it might have been when I washed the windows, or painted the conservatory, or lugged some gravel into the garden, or spring cleaned the house.  The fact is, I woke up one day and my back hurt.  And then it hurt worse.  So the GP gave me pills and the physiotherapist gave me, well... physiotherapy, and the MRI people gave me an MRI and it came back clear, and the Osteopath pulled me about a bit, and the GP gave me some different pills.  And still my back hurt.  I could not bend or twist; I could not walk for more than 10 minutes; I could not lift anything;  I could not open heavy or stiff doors;  I could not run;  I could not dance.  But enough of what I could not do....what could I do?  Well, I could still laugh, I could still lift up the rocks of life and look underneath instead of taking them at face value; and I could still hug my daughters and my husband (though swinging from the chandeliers was obviously a no-go now) and I could still cry.

Then, two weeks ago, the Physiotherapist and the GP told me that I would probably not get better and that the pain was not going to go away.  They told me I have something called Chronic Pain Syndrome (CPS), which means that you still get pain long after the original injury has healed.  Basically, my central nervous system has decided that, after many years of living in perfect harmony with the rest of my body, it wants to go it's own way and do it's own thing and it doesn't need my permission or co-operation to do so.  I have to admit that getting my head around the fact that I will have to live with this level of pain for the rest of my life has been very difficult for me and has made me swear, cry and be generally negative.  Now, I can let this thing take over my life and simply become the woman with CPS or, I can continue to be an individual that still has a lot to give in life; and who is more than just an illness or disability.

Just over two weeks ago, I had never heard of CPS.  I knew nothing about it - I had no need to know about it.  Well, I know a bit more about it now - and I expect I'll be a bloomin' expert in it by the end of the year.

To help me work through all these things and log my journey down this untrod track, I decided to write a blog.  It may be read by someone else who is in a similar position to me and it may help them along their path.   Of course, it may not be read by anyone other than myself - but that's ok, it will act as a diary and a "get it all off your chest" mechanism, which can only help me in the long run.

My hope is that to begin with, because things are new and quite raw, the blog will be more about CPS and less about me.  However, as time progresses, and if all goes to plan, things should reverse and be more the other way around (i.e. less about CPS and more about me). Whatever form it takes, I sincerely hope that it contains a certain level of humour - because without that, well..... it doesn't bear thinking about.

Someday in the far future, this thing may overcome me.  But not just yet my friend ..... not just yet.

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